Wrap up of an attempt.

I didn't finish the Epic. I had all kinds of excuses that I was going to use but I thought the truth would be best. I say this because the real reason is that after a long and very emotionally exhausting couple of weeks, when I toed the line yesterday I was already half beaten. I had no nervous butterflies, no anticipation of the flowing singletrack or the long climbs. Nothing.
You need a reserve of mental toughness to push through the times that your body is tired or your plan isn't going quite right or even when you have a slower rider in front and you want to get around. You need that. I didn't.
I'll take a few positives away though. My first 50km was good. My recorded time and the time on my Garmin are at odds but it felt good and controlled. The nutrition plan worked a treat and I had energy the whole time I was on the bike. Today's Plan had my body as fit as it has been for years and I felt comfortable on the bike.
I didn't deal with the problems mounting up in the weeks before the race. I should have talked more about them and worked harder on solving them or at least coming to terms with them. I hope by saying this that someone else can feel comfortable in talking about a problem or letting the people around them know they are struggling a bit and seek some help. You are not alone in feeling down and you do not have to be alone in dealing with it.
I will be back racing in November for the Bayview Blast. I haven't decided whether to do the 100k or something less. My honest belief is that I should do the big one.