I haven't had anything much of a positive nature to report for the last few weeks. I had a virus that knocked me around, didn't ride, I got lazy and I have suffered the emotional effects of all those factors sliding by my "Not all is well in my head" filter. I have felt pretty darn ordinary for a few weeks now. Yep I still have those days, sometimes weeks, where depression insinuates itself into my life and tries to mess with me. It usually manages to do some mischief before I wake up to myself and send it packing. How does that saying go? The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. Never truer than with anxiety and depression.
Anyway, a ray of sunshine. I have commuted to work every day but today and feel tops for it. Somewhere along the way I got some balance back and my head and heart feel much more like they should. I have apologised to my long suffering wife for being a very second rate human of late, and as much as it never ceases to amaze me, she doesn't seem to hold a grudge. Yet another reason I love her. And today, I mentioned I didn't commute and there's a great reason, I went out and did "Nicks Friday Loop" with a twist. I did the ride on my single speed.
Nicks Friday Loop it is fair to say isn't particularly long, but it does have a few challenging hills. as much as I was wimping out with a very low gear ratio it is still heaps harder than dropping it into the granny and spinning up a hill. I am not unhappy with the fact that I rode every hill bar "The Steps" which is literally a set of steps and bloody steep. I certainly didn't set any land speed records but Nick was happy to let me chug along and not be too stressed if I was slow. I count it as a win.
The feeling of my legs burning and lungs popping when I try and muscle up a climb on the single speed is a heady tonic indeed. I am not a gear burning, lefty, extremist single speeder but I do appreciate the simplicity of not having gears, not being distracted by which gear you should be in, and just getting on with it. All hills are a challenge to be attacked and given no quarter and if you aren't honest with the effort the results are very predictable. You walk. Maybe it's a litmus test for how you really feel?
So life has been all about battling up the hills lately, both figuratively and physically. I might not be at the top emotionally but I'm cool with that because sometimes from there the only way is down. Physically I plan to crest a lot of hills this weekend and savor the view from the top. I know my legs will protest but they can just shut up and do as they are told. All in all, no distractions, no excuses.