The year in review.

While it is probably a little early to be reviewing a year in some circles, in my life the pace is still up and before I know it the year will be gone. I have been considering this post for a while now and trying to reconcile my compulsive need to put everything in order and chronologically correct when it is not the "when" that is important, it is just the fact that these things happened. So I have decided to put the moments in my life down here in no order other than the way they come out of my mind and depending on what the previous moment prompts to the front of my memory.
If you have read my ravings at any time during it's existence you will know the main themes. Life revolves around my family and riding bikes. I like to keep it simple if I can. I am not smart enough to live a complicated life and I certainly don't have the time or energy spare to have to "try" and live a life. My family is the thing in life I am proudest of, bikes keep me sane.

Bikes this year have been exceptional. I trained hard for the first part of the year and managed a finishers medal from the Terra Australis. Truly a highlight of my life in the sense it was never a given and I persisted. Thats all I did, persisted. Along came the Merida 24 Hour and an attempt at qualifying for the Worlds later in the year. Not my finest moment but still not bad given the circumstances. It was that race where I proved I could do it, if I wanted it. Next year I want it. Then came the Boonah Marathon. Fun but tough with some issues along the way. Having Alison and Jack as my pit crew will rate as my favourite moment for 2010. Jack yelling out the number of competitors  that were passing me and changing over my bottles and giving me the gee up was gold. In a few years he will make an awesome pit chief for me, if he's not out there handing his old man his arse! To top off all of these things somehow I managed to score a deal with Cyc'd for Bikes and Giant and now get to ride around on what could be my ultimate bike. I pinch myself every time I go for a ride. So bikes, they're way cool....

When you love something and you are passionate about it quite often it will cross over into your personal life. I have made some awesome friends through riding and now sadly lost one too. This year a great guy lost his battle with cancer and left a little hole in the lives of all the people he touched. Pete was a true gentleman. I just hope the trails are fast where ever he is and that I think of him often.

I thanked all the mates and riding buddies earlier in the year after a particularly torrid time personally as they always find a way to snap me out of it. Nothing has changed there. Another month of being a hermit due to work and yet I still get calls to go for a ride. They haven't given up on me even if some days I have. I will pay them all back somehow one day. I tell you what though, I am going to be really busy doing so.
Spencer gets a special mention here though. He started as my mechanic for bike stuff, quickly became a friend and riding buddy and has stayed that way. He said yes to the Terra and in doing so helped me find out a lot about my self and I think learnt a lot about himself too. What is not common knowledge is that Spencer also set up my deal with Giant. Yep I owe him for that one! I probably owe him more for the pain and suffering I put him through on the Terra.

My best friend in life is still my wife. We have been together 13 years (give or take!), married for 3 years and parents to two wonderful boys. I can't ask for more than she gives, I can't want more than I get. If it hadn't been for her support and love through my battle with depression and anxiety I don't know where I would be now. I have the reality check I that's crucial for the times I can't see the danger coming. She has allowed and even encouraged me to do the racing I have done this year right up to giving me 10 days to go to Victoria and race. She is my strength.

 The boys are growing up so fast it scares me some days. Jack is bright beyond belief and Rohan is developing into quite the people person. I am so proud of how they are growing up and I look forward to the adventures I am sure will come along with them as part of my life. This years highlights include the camping trip with Jack's best friends and his family, and watching Rohan sing a solo at his choir concert late in the year. Both boys have learnt to ride bikes as well. If that doesn't make a bike tragic dad proud, nothing will. I love them. They make me laugh and they sometimes make me cry. I guess that is parenting though.

On the personal side the year has been exhausting. I haven't made any secret of my battles with mental health and this year my goal was to get off my medication and deal with my demons head on with honesty and by revealing my true feelings and fears. It's no picnic admitting that you have a problem in the first place but deciding that it's time to take on life without a safety net so to speak is simply the most scary thing I have dealt with  after the possibility of losing my son at 3 months old. There are no guarantees. Without my family and friends it is a dead certainty that I would have gone back to the medicated state and been reliant on that for a further period of time. I am lucky  though. One safety net, the drugs, has been replaced by the realisation that I have another in the form of family and friends. Natural, unadulterated love and affection.

I have come out of 2010 a much stronger person. Thanks for reading and have a Merry Christmas and a happy, safe and prosperous New Year.

Happy trails......

Sunday crawling.

How's this for commitment. Spencer and I organised a ride for 6:30am on Sunday and at 6:00am he called to tell me he had slept in and I should just cancel the ride. I said no, lets just go later. So we rescheduled for 7:00am, and then 7:15am, and then finally 7:30am. Commitment. I reckoned we would both need a little help to get going so I left a bit earlier and grabbed 2 coffees from my favourite coffee shop. Spencer thought I was pretty cool.
We had a fun ride. All the usual trails and even a bit of pace here and there. We were stomping along at one point when Spencer asked"Are we going fast or am I just out of practice?" The answer was a little of both. So then we slowed down a bit and chatted about the last couple of weeks. Spencer has just gotten back from New York and I have been stupidly busy. It was funny to hear him say he was only really out for the ride to catch up. It was made funnier because it was exactly the reason I had said we should reschedule rather than cancel our ride. He did struggle a bit towards the end so I offered to drop him home rather than have him ride as he usually does. The only proviso for him accepting the offer was that I had to stay for a coffee. I was happy to agree to those terms and we sat and shot the breeze with coffees in hand. Very relaxing.
In the end there are no events to train for, no massive miles to have to achieve at the moment. The chance to catch up with my mates and shoot the breeze while doing something we love is just as important as the training. It  refreshes your mind and reminds you what the point of the riding is in the first place. All the racing and stuff is just the icing on the cake. I hope to knock over a few more rides just for fun over summer and keep that connection with my real reason for riding.
I'll be calling you all soon.........

Sneaky Gap Creeky.....

Last night I snuck in an unexpected night ride. I haven't been able to plan anything lately due to a crazy work load and when the opportunity arose last night I just chucked the bike in the truck and bolted. I didn't even check the lights but just grabbed some spare batteries.
The car park was empty which had me a little worried as I was riding alone. Not the best idea but I had told Alison where I was riding and that I would ring her at 9pm to let her know where I was and ow I was travelling. She would have called out the search party if it got too late. Five minutes in and I had lost any concerns and was in the zone. Riding at night is such a cool experience. It totally changes your perspective on a ride as you just get that little isolated view in your beam of light. You really focus on that light. Its magically quiet and there were only the odd toad and an errant wallaby for company. I did see a couple of groups of riders who were surprised to see me out on my own and I had a chat to one group at a trail head. I was ripping along Rocket Frog when I heard a "Hey Graham!" as Rupert came whizzing past. How he knew it was me I don't know but we stopped and had a catchup right there on the trail. The mozzies were ferocious though! I reckon a few minutes more and the first group would have arrived back with some friends and carried us all away. Nasty.
Back to pedaling though. I tried the climb up Dingo. I love this trail. The climb is a good workout with some difficult technical sections both up and down and a nice steady grade for the most part. The view from the top was pretty cool too. Looking out over The Gap it reminds you that you're not in the middle of nowhere but just 10k from the city. I am a lucky man. Going back down was cool too. I did decide to walk the worst section as on my own a crash here would be painful and may leave me stuck there for a while. I was happy with that though.
Now it was through the lantana and up into the last of the single track before the car. I was feeling awesome. Rolling down to the car I thought I needed to finish off with the two short sections over the road. Dirt Girls and Pony Express are cool fun. Dirt Girls is a nice little climb and pops out on a fire road. It's pretty loose with some nasty little gravel sections and off camber corners to keep you guessing. Not hard on a normal day but in the dark it seemed harder and more fun! I got to the top of Pony Express and promptly gunned it. This was my normal approach to the trail but perhaps not the best idea in the dark. I almost binned it a number of times but managed to cling on with my butt cheeks and make it to the end. Rolling back down the fire road and the biggest surprise of all came along. A really big goanna! It must have been 7 feet long. The nice warm nights mean that they stay active well after dark. No harm done as he bolted in one direction and I bolted in the other.
When I stopped at the car to pack the bike it was quiet. Really quiet. There was a sliver of moon and not many stars. I just sat on the tail gate and took my shoes off and enjoyed the feeling post ride satisfaction. Bliss.
I'm glad I can't plan.

Round we go again.....

Well another race run and done. I must say that I really enjoyed the Matrix 6 Hour. It was a great course and a very nice vibe around the course. With mostly singletrack through some very pretty areas I was quite happy to keep plugging away at the laps. I really enjoyed the fast descents around the back of the course and even the switchback climbs were enjoyable in that masochistic kind of way. At least once I got a rhythm going on them I could pass quite a few riders on the way up.
I started the day with the attitude of no training, no chance of a result. I was just enjoying riding and chatting to the other competitors. I smashed out 4 quick laps and stopped for a few minutes to get some food and bottles and went out again. Jack and Rohan were pretty helpful and changed the bottles over for me and Rohan gave my bike a squirt with the cleaner. I took off again and was really just rolling along. After 2 more laps I pulled in and had a bit of time for the kids. I really wasn't phased by not going out for any more laps at that stage but Alison assured me I would be really disappointed with my efforts if I called it quits there. It wasn't that I didn't feel like riding, I was just having a nice day andrelaxing while watching bikes go around and playing with the kids was at the front of my mind. I went out for another two laps and got through to the 5 hour mark. Instead of stopping I just went straight back out. I passed Alison and the kids at the creek where the boys had been playing most of the day. This was at 9 laps and I felt one more would be good. I got around to the creek again after having a few small cramps and yelled out that it would be my last lap. I got over the line with time to spare and thought "hang it, I've got one more in me."  That's when the disappointment set in.
I rode past Hopey in the transition area and asked if he would tell Alison that I decided to go out again. He was really encouraging and kept saying how well I had been doing. He then told me when he had checked on the leader board I had been in second! While it was hours ago there was no reason for me to have not kept going as I felt OK. I could have been sitting in as podium position! Ah well, smash the lap and be happy.
So overall it ended with up that I did 11 laps. The winner in my category got 15 laps. That averages out at about 15km/hour and is totally achievable for me with a little training. Don't get me wrong, that is a great effort in singletrack and I am pretty sure I wouldn't have managed that yesterday but I could have done much better than I did. I lapped really consistently at under 30 minutes wehn I was riding. I was smooth and relaxed around the whole course and I was having a pretty good time. Maybe next race I might have a look at the results board before I decidie to treat it as a picnic.

Reset button, engage.

Sunday looks like it could be wet and pretty muddy. Very muddy if you are racing in the Matrix 6 Hour Challenge at Canungra. I can't wait for the chance to slop around for 6 hours on my mountain bike with my family as my support crew. The boys are fired up about the kids race and the chance to mess around in pit lane and Alison is just happy to come along for the hijinx.
I do have a race plan if you could call it that. Smash a couple of fast laps and then grab some food. Smash another couple of laps and probably collapse. not much of a plan I know but it should still be a hoot. There are quite a few people I know racing and that always means a heap of friendly trash talk and "encouragement". I have a seacret weapon too. The last few weeks have been pretty intense and with that my heart rate has been sitting at about 120bpm for most of that time. Now that's endurance. I call it stress training.
My only intention for this weekend is to race hard, relax heaps and get the head straight. It's been a long couple of months.
Woohoo! Lets race some!