Has anyone seen my motivation?

It's always hard when you have to balance life with goals and aspirations and to say I have not been that successful at doing that lately would be a gross understatement. I have been working stupidly hard, have stress levels through the roof and have basically only been able to look longingly at my bikes for the past week. The doubts have started to creep in.
My next few weeks are full of late nights and early mornings interspersed with some really late nights and some really early mornings. It makes it very hard to get out and train as the limited time off means scrabbling to spend time with my family as well as throw the leg over a bike and churn out some K's. Something has to give so the training has taken the back seat for now. After a massive day Friday I slept most of Saturday only to back up and work most of Sunday. I haven't reached my training goals for 2 weeks and last week was an epic failure.
So what are you supposed to do? Get over it, harden up and get back on the bike and suffer for your lack of training. Maybe this weekend I can smash some big K's and make my head feel straight again. We'll see.

A little more of the back story.

The whole idea of these crazy endeavours I undertake is to raise money for Working Wonders. They do amazing work for kids raising money for research and new equipment as well as providing support services to patients and thier families. My families connection with the Royal Childrens Hospital Intensive Care Unit and the Childrens Oncology is very personal and based on great admiration and appreciation. I have spoken breifly about my son Jack's battles as a baby but I think now is the time to share a little more of the personal experience through the eyes of his mother, Alison.
We kept a day book of the time Jack was in hospital. There were 2 reasons behind it. The first was to be able to keep tabs on what was going on with his treatment as often one of us had to work or just go home for some rest and this allowed the other person to explain any updates or visits from specialists etcetera. The second was to keep a record for Jack as he grew up. The possibility of Jack needing ongoing and very invasive treatment was very real and the more we learnt of the side effects and the long term effects of these treatments the more concerned we grew with how we might explain to him later in his life. Alison and I did not want him to ask questions about why we had made decisions for him at the time and not be able to say precisely why we had made them. I reckon that by the time Jack left ICU Alison and I had done most of a degree in childrens intensive care practice and knew more about neuroblastoma than most oncologists! Must have driven the staff nuts with our questions.....
This little piece of literature comes from Tueday 29th April, 2003. I have just directly transferred it from the book. No corrections, no punctuation. This is exactly as my wife wrote it.
Go in for CT scan at 9:00am- Need general anasthetic for this procedure.
Come out of anasthetic and they decide your ready to move to SURF ward. (out of ICU)
12:00pm move upstairs . Have own room with nice view. Graham and I are very excited. Jack still needs lots of cuddles and is getting very distressed when ever he is put down on the bed. I calm him and put him on the bed to change his nappy and he stops breathing!! for about 45 secs. (A LONG TIME!) Whole body turns blue. Nurse gets him breathing again and we call ICU to come down and have another look at him.
Jack fasted for scan and we are having trouble getting him back on feeds as nonone knows who to ask to start them again. Mum and Dad think part of Jacks distress is that he is very hungry.
Dr Delbridge arrives - comments on oxygen being very highand breathinh halting being of concern and Jack is readmitted to ICU at 5:00pm. We are told this is the record for return to ICU. 4 hrs!

Jack is still in distress. Stops breathing twice more. Decide to intubate. Jack put onto Midazolam and Morphine and tube inserted down nose to help Jack breathe. Now he has time to relax and get better under sedation.

Second most intense day since Jack was first admitted.

High point of the day was a visit from Oncology team. CAT scan came back clear - no lumps anywhere else in his body. Still more tests to do but atr this stage they think they'll be OK to leave the tumour with no treatment and just watch it. YEAH!

Setting Goals.

I have this amazing little piece of technology that allows me to track my rides, my heart rate, power output and basically everything else about my pain and suffering while out on the bike. I have chucked the link in here for you all to have a look at and to keep me honest in my training goals. Don't be scared to post up a comment or to follow the blog. I currently have a goal of a 200km week this week and you can follow that in the goals tab at Garmin Connect. Enjoy!
http://connect.garmin.com/activities.

Every Journey Begins with a Cup of Coffee.

Never let two mountain bikers go for a ride and then sit down to a nice cup of coffee. You just never know where it will end up! It all starts innocently enough, a joke about my recent efforts at a 24 hour race, my comment about maybe him hardening up and having a crack at one himself and finally the fateful step past the point of no return. I open my big mouth. “We should do something really hard. I reckon that Terra Australis race would be the go. I know it would be tough but you’ll still be telling your grand kids about it.” Spencer and I have been mates for years. We met via mountain biking. We love riding together. In Spencer’s words, “This is the challenge of a lifetime and I need a challenge.” Not in my wildest dreams did I think he would say yes. Now what?

Well we start training, we start to prepare and we start to beg the forgiveness of our partners and kids. A race like this is a big commitment not only financially but on your family time. If you don’t prepare properly things can go pear shaped before you know what hit you. That’s a scary thought. In the middle of the Victorian Alps somewhere with a serious problem and the possibility of a long wait before assistance you really want to be sure it’s not the first time you’ve considered this outcome. Then there’s trust. I have a family, Spencer has a wife. Is it really responsible for us to undertake an event like this without preparing properly? Our partners have to trust us to be prepared, we have to trust each other to be there throughout the training and the race, we have to trust in our abilities to finish each day and back up for the next day for seven grueling days.

Am I scared? Hell yeah. Is my wife scared? No. She thinks I’m nuts, but she's not scared. I hope that as the preparation progresses that she will see my efforts in the training and planning for this event as an indication of how serious I am to finish this thing. Hopefully she won’t get scared.

Old mates and old trails.

Today was fathers day here. I got to stay in bed late, eat home made pancakes with bacon and maple syrup and drink cups of tea all day. I even got to go for a social relaxed ride around some favourite trails in the afternoon to top off the day. Bliss.
The topper had to be getting the call from my mate Adam as I sat at the start of the ride telling me he was parked next to me and was joining the ride. I haven't ridden with Adam for nearly 2 years. We tried once a few months ago but he crashed and injured his shoulder so we cut the ride short. He puffed and huffed up the hills, looked like he might chuck the cookies at any minute but still laughed and joked at the rest stops. Onya Adam!
Bloody tops ride. Heres hoping for many more.

Get on your bikes people.